When Yoda Speaks: Overcoming Barriers to Healing

"Do or do not, there is no try."

Yoda

After much internal conflict I took a week off and dug myself a few garden trenches. I placed seed, fertilized lawns and sat outside just listening to the birdsong. The reason I took a whole week off was that I was beginning to behave in ways that I had left behind 5 years ago. Short tempered and quick to let my rage speak words that would later need to be cleaned up.

There was something always just sitting in my throat waiting for the perfect time to spew out all over the people who did not deserve it. I was working long hours as a new business owner and could feel myself jumping back on that hamster wheel of hard work over reflection and healing. I was super focused on the success that was pouring into my life. Grinding through the first parts of any new business with an iron will to succeed is not a bad thing unless it becomes the only thing. For me it is about not going back to behaviors that no longer serve me. After riding that hamster wheel for 30 years and ignoring the triggers that were rooted in unhealed trauma I never want to be that version of myself again. So I did what any person in their healing journey would do, I took some time to remember why I am doing this because succumbing to a barrier as big as this one was not in my plans.

As a Trauma-Informed Coach I meet new clients who are just beginning to realize that something is not right in their life. They may not know what is wrong but they seek peace of mind and joy instead of anger, rage and dysfunction. Mostly they are hoping to take back control of their life. It is here that I struggle because often times clients come up to a barrier and they back away from the possibilities that exist inside of Trauma-Informed Coaching. To them, as it did for me 5 years ago, getting over that barrier feels like an impossible task. So they do what anyone who is fearful of what exists on the journey: they stop the healing journey all together. What I have learned over the past 5 years is that healing is not linear. We heal and then we move along and then something happens that feels like a barrier to our progress. It is at that moment that we must see that barrier as a step that leads us to more healing. The barrier is not an end point, it is a challenge that brings us understanding of who we really are.

 Navigating the journey of healing from trauma often feels like traversing through the depths of despair. There were times when I hit rock bottom mentally, feeling utterly lost and overwhelmed by the weight of my experiences. It was during these darkest moments that I realized the necessity of showing mercy to myself—a compassionate act that allowed me to extend forgiveness and kindness towards my own struggles. Embracing self-mercy became the pivotal first step towards my healing journey, enabling me to confront and overcome the myriad of barriers that stood in my way. Healing from trauma is an intricate and deeply personal journey, one that often feels overwhelming and fraught with challenges. As a trauma survivor myself, I know firsthand how difficult it can be to navigate the barriers that arise along the way. Yet, understanding these obstacles and finding ways to move past them is essential for anyone seeking to heal their trauma and reclaim their life.

One of the most pervasive barriers I faced was the stigma and shame associated with my experiences. The fear of being judged or misunderstood made it incredibly difficult to open up about my trauma. This internalized stigma led to feelings of isolation, as I believed that my pain was a burden on others or that I was somehow at fault for what happened. Overcoming this barrier required creating a safe and supportive environment where I felt validated and understood. Seeking out trauma-informed support provided a space where these fears could be gently addressed, and where I could begin to feel seen and heard.

Another significant challenge was the lack of access to resources. Financial constraints, limited availability of trauma-informed professionals, and geographic barriers all impeded my ability to get the help I needed. Navigating this obstacle involved seeking out community resources, such as non-profit organizations that offered sliding-scale rates. Additionally, I found that online support became an increasingly viable option, providing greater accessibility when local resources were not available.

 Emotional barriers also played a substantial role in my healing process. The fear of re-traumatization made the idea of revisiting traumatic memories daunting. I often experienced emotional numbness, which made it difficult to engage fully in therapeutic work. To work through these emotional challenges, it was crucial to approach healing at a pace that felt manageable. Trauma-informed coaches helped me navigate these intense emotions safely, ensuring that the process did not become overwhelming. Building a strong support alliance, where trust and safety were prioritized, made all the difference in overcoming these emotional hurdles.

Cognitive barriers, such as distrust and negative self-beliefs, further complicated my healing journey. Trauma eroded my ability to trust others, making it hard to build connections, even with those who were there to help. It also instilled deeply ingrained negative beliefs about myself. Overcoming these barriers involved challenging and reframing these negative thoughts, which was often facilitated my coaching colleagues. Establishing trust with a coach took time and patience, but it was a critical step towards healing.

Physical and mental health issues added another layer of complexity. Co-occurring disorders like depression, anxiety, or PTSD exacerbated the struggle, creating a cycle that was hard to break. Chronic pain or other physical symptoms related to trauma served as constant reminders of past events, making healing seem out of reach. Addressing these issues required a holistic approach, integrating physical healthcare with mental health support. Mind-body practices such as yoga, mindfulness, and meditation became beneficial in managing physical symptoms and promoting overall well-being.

Environmental and social barriers, such as unsupportive relationships and a lack of safe spaces, also hindered my progress. Family and friends often did not understand my need for healing, sometimes due to their own unresolved traumas. In such cases, setting boundaries and seeking out new, supportive connections became transformative. Building a network of individuals who were empathetic and validating created an environment conducive to healing.

 Cultural and societal expectations further complicated the process. In my culture, mental health issues were stigmatized, and discussing trauma was discouraged. Societal pressures to "move on" or "get over it" minimized my experiences and needs. Navigating these cultural and societal barriers required advocacy and education, both for myself and for others. Finding culturally competent coaches who understood these nuances was immensely helpful.

Healing from trauma is an ongoing process that demands patience, self-compassion, and unwavering commitment. As I began to show mercy to myself, I discovered the strength to face my trauma head-on and navigate the obstacles that had once seemed insurmountable. By sharing my journey, I hope to offer you a beacon of hope and practical strategies to aid in your own healing. Remember, even in the darkest times, the potential for healing and renewal lies within you. Allow yourself the grace to start this journey and embrace the possibility of a brighter, more resilient future. You are whole and capable of this healing journey and worthy of living a life filled with joy and peace. As for me, I am going to go outside now and toss a ball for Molly who sits quietly waiting at me feet. Then I am going to sit in my garden and breath in the quiet of lake living because that list of items will always be there, the person calling will leave a message and my Instagram marketing can wait until tomorrow. As for my healing journey, I am going to take that on like there is no tomorrow, like Yoda is watching my every move. I am going to "Do" my healing so my trauma doesn't "do" me in ways that are out of my control. And when everything falls in place for me I will be of sound mind enough to enjoy every moment.

Anastasia Jorquera-Boschman is a retired teacher, principal and educational consultant. She spends her time speaking, writing and holding space for people to heal their trauma. Currently she can be found in her garden reflecting upon the next steps in her lifelong healing journey.