When the Drums Cry

Here I sit in the middle of 1000 people who had consumed the conference learnings for the last three days.  I realize that I am in the middle of the room and escape will be difficult. Sitting in ceremonial silence watching the group of men enter into their sacred zone.  Stick hits hide and they become one with the drum in the center of their perfect harmony.  The unity of drum beats hop across the banquet room floor and find my feet.  Those same feet that have always run and are now trapped here in this room.  The beat moves with intention now throughout my legs and I give in to it's spirit.  Suddenly the pit in my stomach calls out and my palms go sweaty.  Their beautiful voices sing with low tones of mellow and high pitches of strength and solidarity.  As I wonder how I am going to remain professional among colleagues I feel the first of the tears come forward.  Their cries call for mine and in the back of my throat and I can feel something in my body wanting to come out.  It bangs at my throat and thumps at my chest for freedom. My eyes dart to the nearest exit and I move stealthily toward escape.  As I make it to the exit I feel a hand gently touch my shoulder and a thick Cree accent gifts me the words, "It is meant to be felt".  

My relationship with the power of those drums has been this way since my first pow wow through to my latest hand games tournament.  There is something about the drums that calls to me yet creates within my body a reaction of panic and a flight trauma response.  In indigenous teachings drums play many roles but for the sake of this post let us focus on the belief that the drum beat can enable healing that can restore balance and harmony within.  Healing is not what I am feeling when those drums visit me.  So what then is happening to my body that would make my brain kick in my flight response to keep me safe? 

If you have been along for this whole journey you already know that I am a survivor of Complex Trauma.  After spending 50 years hiding my Trauma wounds I am on a healing journey to release that trauma as it emerges. When we hold trauma in our bodies without healing, it can manifest in physical symptoms that impact our overall health and well-being. Unprocessed trauma often causes chronic tension, pain, and inflammation, as our muscles stay locked in a state of fight-or-flight. Over time, this stress can weaken our immune system, making us more vulnerable to illness and fatigue. Unresolved trauma also disrupts our nervous system, keeping us in a heightened state of alertness that can lead to sleep issues, digestive problems, and even heart complications. By not addressing our trauma, we carry its weight physically, impacting both our mental and physical health.  Hear me when I tell you carrying Trauma in a somewhat controlled manner does not mean it is healed.  Unhealed Trauma never leaves us rearing its ugly head when we least suspect it...like in a room of colleagues during a sacred drum ceremony.

When it comes to our unhealed trauma the only way out is through.  The words, "It is meant to be felt" holds meaning.  The only way to prevent the Trauma from doing us is to do it first.  Healing our trauma is the place where we can logically put meaning to painful events. This means facing and exploring the painful experiences that we avoid or keep buried. It involves bringing awareness to painful events that we might have pushed away, allowing ourselves to truly feel and understand them. This process can be uncomfortable and intense, as it requires honesty, vulnerability, and a willingness to confront old wounds. By going deep, however, we begin to uncover the root causes of our pain and start to release the emotional weight we carry. It’s a brave journey that opens the door to genuine healing and self-empowerment.

One of the ways that I help my clients process trauma is Somatic Release therapy.  It is a therapy wherein body movements are used to assist in the release of tension and trauma.  This technique has a powerful ability to release trauma in gradual ways so that going deep on a healing journey isn't as painful to the client.  Yesterday when working with a client I had this epiphany about my reaction to the drumming circle.  What if that drum beat moving through my body was awakening a trauma wound in me that began to scream to get out?  What if the deep trauma that I had been burying was emerging to do me first?  What if the beat of the drum was indeed helping to restore my balance?  It gives me a new perspective about my reaction to the drums.  It breathes a clarity about the power of absorbing the drum beat into our hearts to interact with the events that hurt us.  Restoring balance within becomes more about awakening our inner warrior to do battle with our trauma wounds.  So I go now into battle armed with my latest Northern Cree playlist and headphones into the open meadow with the intention of absorbing the drum beats.  This time I will let the beat awaken my strength to release the trauma that emerges.  I believe the saying goes, "Warriors are forged in the fires of adversity, and tempered by the storms of life."   Full warrior mode activated.