We Can Rest When We are Dead: Dead Being the Key Word

“Sometimes the most productive thing you can do is relax.”

— Mark Black

 Steam rising over the lip of my coffee mug I could hear my husband ask me what I wanted to do this weekend.  "Just relax", was my first response.  So we drank coffee on the deck watching as Molly frolicked between us and her ball.  Soon after I found myself listening to Molly's lazy snore in the shade of our hammock.  I felt the warm sun hitting my feet as I caressed our yard cat who had successfully squeezed into the hammock beside me.  As I watched the neighbor puttering in his garden a thought drifted in one the morning breeze, "Had I watered my tomatoes enough last night?" I was going to be a scorcher and I got up just to check but on my way across the lawn I noticed the water hose was dripping and I had to check if the pump was off.  Near the pump was the batch of neotodes waiting for an application to the garlic patch and I connected that and began to spray the plants down.  From there my eyes dropped upon the gathering of weeds sucking the life from my cabbage plants.  The cabbage plants screamed for a good weeding.  The next thing I heard was my husband firing up the bush mower to trim through our forested yard.  For a brief moment I looked at the dog and cat enjoying the hammock and grimaced as I turned back to my gardening.  It was my calling...right??!

My experience is emblematic of many in Generation X, a cohort often characterized by our relentless work ethic and difficulty unwinding. Born between the mid-1960s and early 1980s, many Gen Xers grew up during a time when self-reliance was paramount. Latchkey kids, as we were called, returned to empty homes after school, learning early on to fend for ourselves. This independence, while fostering resilience, also planted the seeds for an overworking culture.  Let me be the first to admit to wearing that work ethic like a badge of honor for way too long.  If you don't believe me then check out any Gen X's face book page full of pictures of completed work seeking validation.  That craving for external validation is a vicious cycle of endless work.

For many, overworking became a means to prove worth and seek validation. The drive to excel professionally and personally often masked deeper insecurities rooted in childhood experiences. Adverse Childhood Experiences (ACEs), such as emotional neglect or household dysfunction, have been linked to various behavioral patterns in adulthood, including workaholism. The constant need to be productive can be a trauma response, a way to avoid confronting unresolved feelings or to gain a sense of control.

Breaking this cycle requires intentional effort and self-compassion. Here are some strategies to consider:

• Acknowledge the Issue: Recognize that the compulsion to overwork may be rooted in past experiences. Understanding this connection is the first step toward change.

• Set Boundaries: Establish clear work-life boundaries. Designate specific times for work and personal activities, and adhere to them.

• Practice Mindfulness: Engage in mindfulness practices such as meditation or yoga to help stay present and reduce anxiety about unfinished tasks.

• Seek Support: Joining support groups like Workaholics Anonymous can provide a community of individuals facing similar challenges and offer coping strategies.

• Prioritize Rest: Schedule regular breaks and leisure activities. Remember, rest is not a reward but a necessity for overall well-being.

• Professional Help: Consulting with a therapist can help address underlying trauma and develop healthier coping mechanisms.

As my eagerness to "get things done" illustrates, the struggle to rest is not merely about managing time but about addressing deeper emotional patterns. By recognizing and confronting these issues, Generation X can learn to embrace rest, not as an indulgence, but as a vital component of a balanced life.  So get out there and, for as long as you can stand it, wrap yourself in the warm sun and read a good book.  If you fail within the first half hour then perhaps the above list might help move you forward into lazy restful bliss.  In the name of all things Generation X this is important work now get on it!

Anastasia Jorquera-Boschman is a retired teacher, principal and educational consultant who now spends her days writing, speaking and holding space as a Trauma-Informed Resilience Coach.  Anastasia can also be found leaning into the discomfort of rest in her animal lined hammock while she detaches from her Latchkey roots.

Exhausted Latchkey Child