The Vow & Other Tales of Healing and Hope

"Love yourself first because that is who you will be spending the rest of your life with."

 I am sitting on my bed with cloths all around me. We are getting ready to head out to Westlock, Alberta to share in the wedding of our friends daughter. I am both excited and nostalgic about this wedding in particular. This mother of the bride was my maid of honor and I was hers. Our history is long and filled with stories of youthful adventures, most ending in a hangover. Sitting with the memories brings a smile across my face as I think about how innocent those times were. Any new beginning brings the unknown and with it the endless possibilities.

I have been married twice. My first husband was wild and carefree and I was drawn to his bad boy charisma. We had no worries when we got married and started to create a little family. For the most part we lived our life like we would have an eternity together. I was 30 when he was taken from us. My second husband is handsome and business like. He is logical, understands the value of a dollar and can fix almost anything that breaks. He came into my life at a very different part of my journey which is indicative of his patience and ability to love even those who don't know how to be loved. I was unhealed when I met him and desperately searching for normal again. Little did I know that a sense of normal could be so profoundly different. Over time people change and the lasting marriages tend to adjust with the partners. Even today after doing the work of healing myself I can say that our marriage is very different than when it started many years ago.

When I lost my first husband to tragedy, my world shattered. The future we had envisioned together was abruptly stolen, leaving me adrift in a sea of grief and loss. When I go to weddings, I often grapple with conflicting feelings. The celebration of love and unity can stir painful memories, making it difficult to fully embrace the moment. But weddings are not just about the union of two individuals; they’re also about the coming together of families and communities. This collective gathering reminds me of the support and love that surround me, even when it feels elusive.

In the midst of my journey from tragedy to triumph, I discovered the profound importance of loving myself first before opening my heart to love another. Self-love became my sanctuary, a place where I nurtured my own wounds and embraced my imperfections. It was through this process of self-discovery and healing that I realized the depth of my worth and the resilience of my spirit. Loving myself was not just an act of self-care; it was an act of reclaiming my power and dignity. Only by truly loving and accepting myself could I open my heart fully to another, with the confidence that I was enough, just as I am. This self-love became the foundation upon which I built my new life, enabling me to move forward with hope and courage.

Hope is not always a loud declaration; sometimes, it’s a quiet, persistent whisper that encourages us to take one more step forward. At weddings, this whisper becomes a gentle nudge, reminding us of the beauty in connection and the possibility of new beginnings. We try to allow ourselves to feel this hope, even if it feels tentative. It’s a vital part of our healing process, a beacon that guides us through the darkness of past wounds. Witnessing a wedding serves as a mirror, reflecting our own capacity for love and resilience. The vows exchanged, the promises made, and the joy shared inspire us to look inward, acknowledging the strength and courage that have carried us through a healing journey. We are more resilient than we often realize, and weddings help us see this resilience in a new light.

Healing from trauma, especially after such a significant loss, is a journey marked by moments of doubt and uncertainty. However, it’s also marked by moments of profound clarity and hope. Weddings, with their inherent celebration of love and unity, offer such moments. They remind us of the possibility of finding joy and connection, of building a future not defined by past trauma but by the hope and love we choose to cultivate.

As I attend this wedding or even think about my own future, I will allow myself to embrace the hope it represents. The celebration of love reminds me that healing is possible, that new beginnings are within reach, and I am deserving of all the beauty and joy that life has to offer. This weekend I plan on raising my glass to new beginnings and to the possibilities that exist in the great unknown. So here is to the bride and groom of this weekend's wedding; may they live a life full of triumphs and setbacks that will create a world in which they can evolve together. May they tenaciously nurture one another when hope seems to be missing. Here's to the vast unknown of the future and all of the prospects that it brings. This weekend, in the spirit of carefree adventures, I will once again be partaking in youthful shenanigans. Legend has it that friendships, like people, grow better over time. Cheers to old friends evolving and making new memories to last a lifetime. That reminds me I had better pack the extra strength Tylenol...just in case I make one too many memories. Godspeed!

Anastasia Jorquera-Boschman is a retired teacher, principal and educational consultant. She spends her time writing, speaking and holding space for people to heal their trauma as a Trauma- Informed Empowerment Coach.