Rising from the Ashes: Building Resilience to Heal Trauma

The white on the ceiling is stark and cutting and makes the back of my eyes hurt as I lay here on the couch.  This is day 15 of chronic channel surfing in avoidance of things too painful for my mind to grasp.  This morning is the first day of the rest of my life but only because my tv stopped streaming.  The Kids from Degrassi street will have to wait even though they have been my comfort companion since my world fell apart.  With one matchstick the events over the past two years have set flame to a lifetime of accomplishments.  I watched, paralyzed with fear, as my life burned to the ground around me.  The weight of my unhealed trauma wounds had finally become so heavy that I could no longer pretend.  I am no longer me...I am nobody.  As I pull open the curtains I catch a glimpse of the sun pouring through the trees and it hits me.  If today is the lowest place for me then the only move left is up.  I give into that idea and blindly leap into thinking about the future.

That memory will stay with me forever.  It was that moment when I decided to crawl out of my refuge and acknowledged that I was worthy of a fight.  It had been a struggle to recover after my career collapsed around me.  The future seemed bleak without the role of teacher.  Little did I know of the blessings that were about to unfold in front of me.  Watching helplessly as our life implodes brings on enough shame to completely burn a house down. Healing from trauma often feels like navigating a storm. It’s messy, exhausting, and leaves us feeling like we have been reduced to ashes. But just as the phoenix rises, stronger and more radiant than before, so too can we rise from the ashes of our pain. Resilience is the spark that ignites this transformation—a tool that enables us to heal, grow, and move forward, even when it feels impossible.

Resilience is not about erasing the pain or pretending the trauma didn’t happen. It’s about finding strength within ourselves to face what feels unbearable and, over time, create something meaningful from it. It begins with self-compassion—a gentle, powerful act of holding space for our feelings without judgment. Healing trauma requires an environment where we can safely feel and process the weight of our experiences, and offering ourselves kindness is the first step. Self-compassion whispers, “It’s okay to feel this way,” even when the world around us feels unforgiving.

As we grow this foundation of self-compassion, our resilience takes shape through connection. Healing from trauma often requires stepping outside the isolation it creates. Sharing our struggles with a trusted friend, therapist, or support group can feel daunting, but it’s in these moments of connection that we often rediscover our strength. Resilience doesn’t demand us do it alone—it thrives in the bonds of a safe and understanding community.

Equally important is learning to sit with discomfort while grounding ourselves in the present. Trauma often drags us into the past, replaying moments of pain, or hurls us into the future, amplifying fears of what’s to come. Resilience teaches us how to anchor ourselves in the now. Whether it’s through mindfulness practices, movement, or focusing on our breath, finding ways to connect to our bodies and the moment helps calm the chaos and reminds us of our own power to endure.

Building resilience is not a quick or linear process. It is an act of courage that requires patience and faith in ourselves. Just like the phoenix must burn before it can rise, healing trauma often involves sitting with the ashes of what once was. But resilience reminds us that from those ashes, new growth will emerge. We are not defined by what happened to us. We are defined by the strength we cultivate as we rise, over and over again, transforming our pain into a life filled with meaning, connection, and freedom.

My life has changed infinitely since that day on the couch when I gathered up the courage to move forward.  In hind sight I can say that what felt like a death back then is today seen as a birth.  I am forever grateful for the events that have led me down the path less travelled.  I give thanks for all of the turbulence that brought about my inner peace.  Knowing that there is an important difference between, "I am a victim" and "I was a victim" is crucial to growth.  We don't rise in spite of our trauma...we rise because of our Trauma.  Therein lies the power of owning our story and moving through the ashes to understand our Trauma.  Healing doesn't mean forgetting the fire; it means learning to dance with it and discovering, in time, that we are the light.